“Everything comes at a price and you knew that, but you still stood in the presence of the priest and boldly took your vows.” It’s a known fact that marriage is no walk in the park; that it’s a major life decision that requires commitment and discipline. It’s something you and a partner enter into with the shared goal of making it a happy, healthy and long-lasting union but sometimes things don’t always turn out how we want them to. Writer and businesswoman Phindile Yende highlights the importance of getting to know your partner for any red flags before gushing into marriage in her book titled Yet, you married him.

Some weeks ago I read an article on the City Press about a soldier that’s apparently getting parole following just 13 years behind bars for attempted murder of his wife and the murder of his two children; one of which he was out on bail when he committed the killing. We could say the signs were there as he first murdered a child in Burundi. This is one of many extreme cases women are faced with in their marriages. Yes, sometimes the signs are there but other times they may not be so clear and we always have hope that things can change.

In a brief conversation Yende mentioned that she knew her marriage wouldn’t work at six months yet she found herself six years later still in it. Perhaps, some of these situations in the book derive from her personal experiences. She describes a variety of possible scenarios of marriage or rather various characters of men that as a woman you are likely to marry. 

It’s great how Yende opens the book by simply stating that women are the very crux of humankind. She praises the creation on how it nurtures a man from birth and fulfils her duty regardless of the pain she endures much like in marriage.  

This book will have you pondering on some of the most crucial questions like if anything lasts forever or does everything eventually lose its meaning. We may find ourselves in different situations like having to look after another parent’s child as a new spouse because at times things don’t work out and people do wish to go separate ways but it’s not always easy with children involved. Yende’s book delves into this much deeper and raises critical questions about marriage, parenting and broken men or rather broken homes.

At some point she talks about the idea of women tricking man to treat them properly by threatening to expose their behaviour   because apparently men value nothing more than their reputation. However, the book may seem to be more on the negative side of marriage although she does mention that nothing is perfect and marriage is something to be worked on by both partners.

The book is tough, and as a man I find myself wondering if we choose to be in the situations we find ourselves or they are merely lessons we eventually outgrow. The book is hard hitting with facts mostly about how life is as a grown up. But I must say, not everyone is going to be successful at the same rate in life. Need I mention ‘Acrimony’ the movie? It is ideal to marry a successful gentleman to be your lifetime partner but always mind the signs because they’re always there. Yende writes that, “with true love being the essence of it, then marriage can be the most beautiful and fulfilling union.”

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